The Way
by HHB-733
Summary: Part 3 to 'In The Wake' and 'Into The Deep'. SSA Lauren Scott is settling into her role in the BAU as well as her relationship with Dr. Spencer Reid.
1. Chapter 1

I made it to work on time, thanks to Reid's alarm, though I trudged in, still tired. I was hoping that my paperwork would take it easy on me today, seeing as I'd left for a little while. I knew that paperwork, files, and bad guys stopped for nothing.

As the elevator dinged to the BAU floor, I got out, dreading the files already.

Morgan and Prentiss were at their desks in the bullpen. Morgan looked up and smiled at me, nodding his head. I nodded a good morning and hurried away.

Entering my office, I noticed that my name was now on the door: SSA Lauren Scott. Damn, that felt heavy. I'd never had my name on a door before!

Still feeling impressed at myself, I saw a mountain of paperwork stretching from my door to the wall it intersected. The Great Wall of Files was four feet long and three feet high. I shuddered. Maybe I wish my name wasn't on this door after all…

Wrinkling my nose, I slipped my purse off my shoulder, my blazer following it. As I neared my desk, I noticed a brown paper bag and a cup on a napkin sitting on top. I stepped closer and took a peek in the bag. There was a blueberry muffin and a note inside.

'_Good morning! I hope you slept well. I decided that you probably didn't have a chance to get breakfast before you came to work today, so I brought breakfast to you! The tea is herbal but does have caffeine to alert your system. I saw the files… you're going to need it. Enjoy your breakfast, Reid.'_

I grinned, setting the note down. How thoughtful! I put the note against my computer and sat down, ready to devour the muffin.

It was from the same bakery that Reid had taken me to the other day before we went and saw DC. The muffin was amazing and the tea was savory. They were paired perfectly.

As I finished, I threw the bag away and sipped my tea, granting myself with one more sip before I started on my files.

"Did you like it?" Reid asked from my doorway, smiling and leaning against the doorframe.

I nodded, grinning. "Thank you so much, it was a very pleasant surprise!"

Reid came in, his hands on his pockets. "Good thing I got you something to brighten your day looking at all the work you'll have to do."

I rolled my eyes, brushing my hair back. "I know, there's a lot for me to do."

Reid came closer, blushing already, leaned down, and kissed my forehead.

"You'll get it done, don't worry," he offered.

I nodded, smiling.

"And if you don't, I'll be here to help," he kissed my forehead again, staying close.

I sat looking up at him, adoring everything about him. I tugged on his sweater.

"You're the best, Dr. Reid, thank you," I said warmly, really appreciating him.

"I'll see you later," he told me, winking.

He shot me a look over his shoulder as he left that left me feeling warm and giddy. Then I looked at my pile of paperwork. Ugh. Talk about a mood killer.

I grabbed a few files off the top of the stack and dragged them back to my desk, carefully placing my tea out of the way. I opened the top file and tried to stay positive.

The first three files made it hard for me to breath and the fourth rendered me needing a break. I held my head in my hands, took a deep breath, and opened the next file, powering on.

I made it halfway through The Great Wall of Files when JJ came by to thank me for going on the last case.

"I'm so sorry I didn't give you notice before," she said gently, concern on her face.

"It was really no problem," I offered, trying to let her know it was really okay.

"Something just came up with Henry and I needed to be here…" she continued, crossing her arms.

"Really, JJ, it's okay! Being with your son is more important than going on a case. I didn't mind going," I pushed, but still hoping I wouldn't need to go again.

"I felt really bad… I took care of some of the files that came while you were gone. The files after the Houston case have all been recorded. They just need to be filed in the storage room, they're all taken care of!"

I grinned. Yes! The Houston case was already on my desk, which meant the ones after it were already done. All I had to do was file them! Yes!

"JJ, you're the best!" I beamed.

"I hoped that'd make everything better!" she grinned, brushing her long blonde hair back, "About that Carson case you put on my desk earlier, we need to go. I'm going to call the authorities there but I need you to present the case to the team."

I thought back to that case… Carson… oh… right…

"Sure, that's no problem. I'll go get the brief ready, I'll let the team know when I'm ready," I said, glad I was getting away from The Great Wall of Files.

"Sure, is thirty minutes enough time? I can let the team know that you'll be ready with a brief then…" JJ offered.

I nodded. "Thank you, I'll go get started now."

She handed me back the original case file so I could get started. I took it from her, heading to the scanner to get the photos and documents.

As I scanned, I looked through the file.

Carson City. Five men had been poisoned outside nightclubs in three weeks.

They had interviewed bouncers, owners, club-goers, and liquor supplies, and everything, but still had no leads. There were no connections or suspicious behavior.

As I finished scanning the documents, I checked my watch. Five minutes left. I had just enough time to get everything in the conference room ready.

Walking down the hallway, arms full of papers, I felt a surge of pride. I felt like I was actually settling into my new job and life here. I liked being able to do my job without having to ask for help every two minutes.

Getting the tablets ready, I laid out the files and set the chairs. Although I hated public speaking, I was determined to be confident and seen as such.

Just as I turned the screen on, the team came in, Morgan making a joke and laughing on his way in. I smiled as if I'd heard the punch line. The team took their usual seats, Reid shooting me a wink. I tried not to make it obvious that I saw it. I still wanted to be professional at work. I tried not to think about I'd fallen asleep on him last night.

"Carson City has five men that were poisoned outside nightclubs in three weeks. None of their friends saw them leave with anyone but they were approached by different women. They couldn't identify them," I started, showing pictures of the clinics on the screen.

Reid frowned, looking through his tablet documents. "What did they find in the autopsies?"

"Sulfuric acid," I answered, "Ingested orally."

"There was no sign of physical stress or bruising?" Morgan asked, looking up.

I shook my head. "None."

"If we're assuming they're women, what kind of woman could coerce these men or overpower them enough to get sulfuric acid into their system?" Prentiss asked cautiously.

Reid shook his head. "She may introduce it as another substance or con them into taking it."

Rossi pursed his lips. "What's the point? Why poison? There are far more effective ways of killing someone.

"Women typically use passive means of killing… poison being one of them," Reid said simply.

The one thing I hated about giving briefs is that I felt like I had to have an answer for everything.

"How many nightclubs were there?" Hotchner asked.

"A different one every time," I said, "There are a lot of nightclubs in Carson…"

He nodded. "This unsub's five people. She won't stop… Wheels up in thirty."

Everyone nodded in agreement, getting up. I started gathering my papers and shut of the display.

Reid looked like he wanted to wait for me and then had second thoughts, leaving with the rest of the group. I was kind've happy he went… I didn't want anything to look obvious.

"Thanks, Scott," Hotchner said, "And don't worry, JJ will be coming with us on the case so you'll have to handle everything here."

I nodded. I was more than all right with that. Guys being poisoned outside bars wasn't something I wanted to see.

"Thank you, sir," I said, hoping he wouldn't think that I wanted to stay locked in my office for the rest of my career.

After I cleaned up, I headed back to my office, already seeing a new stack of cases. Whoopdedoo.

Sitting down at my desk, Reid came in, his hands, again, in his pockets.

"We're leaving in a few minutes…" he began slowly, almost apologetically.

"I heard," I nodded with a slight smile, "I'll be here."

Reid smiled. "I don't know if I prefer you to be here on or on the case with us… Of course, it's better to see you and know exactly where you are, but being in the field always carries an inherent risk of safety. At least in the office, I know you're secure and the worst that could happen to you is a paper cut…"

I smiled. I hadn't even thought about personal safety in this job.

"Someone has to take care of the paperwork," I reminded him with a grin, trying to brighten the mood.

He nodded. "Well don't take it personally if I call to check on you…"

I wasn't going to tell him that I knew when he called Garcia to check on me.

"Alright, well," Reid said, taking a step towards me, "I've got to get going…"

I stayed in my seat. If we'd been at home, I would've given him a hug and a kiss… but I was still letting him take the lead on this, especially in the office.

He leaned down and kissed me on the lips gently, and then on the forehead, lingering there. I closed my eyes and leaned into it, wishing that I could throw my arms around him and tell him to hurry back. I didn't.

He winked at me as he left, waving regretfully.

I didn't feel bad that he was leaving…. I felt bad because it looked like he felt bad. He looked like he wanted to say that he was sorry for leaving. This was his job. He did this long before I showed up. I didn't want him to apologize for his job, especially when I was the one finding the cases and sending the team off on them.

As I adjusted my seat to get started on my files, my phone buzzed; I had gotten a new text message.

'_Reid: _

_I'm taking you on a genuine date when I get back. The lecture and DC didn't count… this will.'_


	2. Chapter 2

After the team left, I spent the rest of my day sifting through files, prioritizing, and filing them away. At one point, I had a hefty pile on JJ's desk as urgent. I went back through them to figure out just which ones were the highest priorities. I also checked with the officers on each case to see if any new information had been discovered.

During the day, I found out that JJ had her office phone rolled to mine. I figured this out when my phone kept ringing and detectives were calling about the status of their case. There was no way that they would have had my number and most of the time, they asked for JJ by name. Although I'd wished JJ had told me she was rolling her phone, I managed quite well without prior warning.

I'd thought of checking in with Garcia to see how the case was going, but I resisted. I had my own work to do and I thought it best to leave Reid and the rest of the team to theirs. If the team wanted to let me know what was going on, they'd tell me.

Around seven o'clock, after my stack of files was diminished, I decided to leave. It felt odd leaving without saying goodbye to anyone, but there really was no one to say goodbye to.

On my way home, the metro was crowded, more so than I'd thought at this time. When I got to my stop, I was relieved to be off the packed, hot metro car. While walking, I realized how much exercise I was getting by living in this city. I had to walk everywhere I went. I often saw business people on the metro wearing sneakers on the metro, presumably to change into professional footwear once at work. I needed to start following their trick.

Coming home to a dark apartment didn't bother me. I knew so many people who had gotten pets just to avoid coming home to an empty house. Dark and empty didn't bother me. I actually preferred it.

I liked coming home and finding everything just as I'd left it. I enjoyed the peace and quiet of my own home. Few things pleased me more than spending an evening alone with a good book and resting.

Ex-boyfriends had often suspected that I was cheating when I'd request a night to myself to have me-time. They could never understand that I genuinely wanted just to be alone sometimes. Being alone and doing exactly what I wanted, when I wanted to was my guilty pleasure. I had time to indulge my guilty pleasures and not have anyone make me feel guilty about it!

I changed out of my work clothes and into some comfortable yoga pants (that had only seen a few sessions of yoga class) and a sweatshirt. I twisted my hair into a loose bun at the nape of my neck. I again thought of the wonderful pleasure of getting into comfortable clothes. I opened up the windows and let in a gorgeous breeze, refreshing my stagnant apartment.

Turning on lamps, my stomach rumbled. Walking into my kitchen, I relished the idea of cooking exactly what I liked and making just enough for me. I chose a nice pasta with steamed vegetables, salad, and a glass (or perhaps two) of wine (or possibly three).

Meal in hand, I chose to daringly eat at my living room. I was always one to eat at my kitchen table and was oddly demanding of using a space only for it's true intention. I'd read an article that said you'd sleep better if you used your bed ONLY for sleeping (not reading or watching tv). I tried it and it worked. I then sought out to only use a room or space for it's purpose.

Tonight, however, I broke my own rules. I turned on some music, and feeling like quite a rebel, I settled myself on the couch with my dinner. I resisted engulfing my pasta, although it was my favorite meal.

As I finished my pasta, wishing I would've made work, I took a sip of my wine, relishing it. I rested back on my couch, tucking my legs underneath me, snuggling in.

On my coffee table, my phone rang. I checked my watch; it was after nine thirty.

I took it in my hand, frowning.

"Hello?" Oh geez, please don't be Hotch and ruin my nice evening to myself!

"Lauren, hi…" It was Reid. The sound of his voice made me smile.

"Hi, Reid," I said, smiling to myself and getting comfortable.

"How are you doing?" he asked hesitantly.

I felt like I was 17 years old again.

"I'm well, thank you, I just finished dinner. How are you?" I replied.

"I'm all right… we've been at night clubs all day, which is quite strange. Clubs aren't meant to be seen during daylight hours. I suppose anyone who frequents them wouldn't want to know what they look like during the day," he said bluntly.

I laughed. "Reid, I doubt that the people who go to clubs really care about what it looks like when they're not there."

I could almost see him roll his eyes. "These places are disgusting soups of sweat, alcohol, and hormones. The health department would be shocked if their inspection included UV light in the place!"

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "Reid, you bring your own sheets to hotels, don't you?"

Reid was silent. "I will neither confirm nor deny that accusation. I am innocent until proven guilty!"

"Don't make me tell Morgan to go into your bags!" I warned.

Reid scoffed. "Regardless, even if I did supply my own linens, it would be a smart decision. You can never be too safe when it comes to personal hygiene."

"Are you calling to reassure me of your personal hygiene? If so, I'm fully convinced," I teased.

Reid cleared his throat. "No… I told you I'd be calling…"

I nodded, waiting.

"So I'm calling…." he said.

"Is that how we're talking? Woah!" I said sarcastically.

"Hey, hey! Uncalled for, Agent Scott!" Reid scolded.

I rolled my eyes. "So are you done checking on me?"

Reid fell silent. "No… not yet at least… I haven't checked on you long enough…"

"Ah, I see," I said, cuddling into my couch, pulling the blanket that was draped over the couch onto me.

"Anyway, I was reading on the plane this article that…" Reid began telling me all about this phenomenon where ecosystems are changing and animals that have lived there for hundreds of years are becoming pushed out. He talked about vitamin deficiencies and invasive species.

I listened thoughtfully, Reid's voice as warm as the blanket around me.

By the time that he wished me goodnight, I was almost asleep.

"Lauren, hang up the phone and sleep. You need it…" Reid coaxed, "Tomorrow is Friday… one more day and then you can stay up as late as you want."

I made a mumbling sound. I was too tired even for words.

Reid laughed. "I mean it… go to sleep. Soon enough, I'll be back."

"Okay, okay, I'll sleep!" I gave up.

I could hear Reid smiling. "Good. Sleep well, goodnight."

"Night," I responded, yawning and hanging up.

* * *

I woke up with my head pounding, my phone alarm ringing shrill. My temple throbbed. I sat up groggily. My eyes were blurred and my skin was clammy. My sinuses felt tense and like an elephant was stepping on my nose.

Wind blew through the window. SHIT!

I sniffled. I must have fallen asleep on the couch, for the second night in a row, and gotten sick!

I tried to stand up but I felt stiff and weak. Crap.

I felt like I wanted to cry.

I dragged myself to the shower and let the steam envelop me. I had hoped it would make me feel better.

It did… temporarily. By the time I got out of the shower and dressed, I felt worse than I had before. I wanted to crawl into bed and stay there all day. Out of my medicine cabinet, I pulled the Dayquil. I chugged down a few gulps, cringing at the taste.

Somehow, I dragged myself to work, hoping I wouldn't have many files in my office. The elevator ding sounded even louder and felt more painful than it ever had before. The sounds of people talking, stapling, and typing on keys made the space behind my eyes hurt. I sniffled and was glad I had a tissue in hand.

In my office, I kept my sweater on and was glad I wore heavy socks. I was freezing and my forehead was hot. I felt like my brain was melting but my skin was frozen.

I sat at my desk and opened up the first file, my fingers feeling 90 years older than they were. I began reading the first line and coughed. I read the second line and coughed again. I couldn't stop.

I sniffled and sighed. This was surely death.

"Oh hey!" Garcia beamed from my door, "Oh… oh, you don't look so good…"

I looked at her, trying to will myself into feeling better.

"Yikes," she said, stepping closer, her hand outstretched to feel my forehead, "Wow, you're burning up. You need to go home."

"Garcia, I just got here," I moaned, "There are all these cases…"

She stamped her foot. "NO! You need to go home before you spread this sickness to everyone else!"

Garcia pulled on my arm. "Get up, you're going home!"

She handed me my purse. "I mean it, _now!"_

I took my purse from her.

"Don't you worry about these files, I'll take care of everything and I'll have some soup sent over to you," Garcia coaxed, pushing me out of my office, "You get home and rest!"

I don't know how I got home. One minute I was leaving the BAU and the next, I was stumbling through my front door, dropping my purse and keys on the floor, staggering to bed.

Like I was on fire, I ripped off my work clothes, falling into my crisp, cool sheets, head hitting the pillow. As I closed my eyes, I was already asleep, thinking of Garcia as a saint.

I slept hard and sound. I doubt I barely moved the entire time I slept. I rested in a way that is only possible when one is sick. I literally fell deeper asleep

Something woke me after a long time and I blinked my eyes awake.

Sitting next to me, on the edge of my bed was Reid. His cool hand was on my forehead and he was very, very angry.


	3. Chapter 3

I blinked a few times, frowning. How long had Reid been here?

I tried to sit up but he shook his head. I stayed where I was.

"You weren't at work…" he said slowly, his voice angry.

I hesitated before answering. "Garcia said it'd be okay…"

Reid rolled his eyes. "Yeah, the office won't burn down without you. What I mean is, you weren't there when I got back. I didn't know where you were."

So now I was supposed to let him know anytime I went anywhere? I was getting irritated.

"So?" I said defiantly, sitting up, reaching for a tissue.

"Lay back down," Reid growled, putting his hand on my arm.

I swatted him away. "No! How the hell did you get in here anyways?"

He rolled his eyes again. "It doesn't matter. The point is, I thought you were going to be somewhere and you weren't. What was I supposed to think?"

I gaped, furious. "Are you fucking kidding me? Your coworker isn't at work when you get back so you show up and break into her apartment?"

I was fuming. Reid looked like I'd slapped him.

"When a friend isn't where you think they'll be, you get worried. There's no need for profanity; it doesn't make your point. You were supposed to be at work. You didn't think it'd be nice to let me know you were going home sick? I could've brought you something…" he scowled.

I balled my fists to keep from lunging at him.

"NO! I didn't think it'd be nice to let you know. You didn't need to know! I fell asleep with the window open and got sick. I don't need to let you know anything and I certainly don't need you to baby me!" I yelled.

I started getting out of bed, legs pushing Reid off. I felt at a disadvantage still being in bed.

Reid jumped to his feet, blocking me from getting out of bed.

"No! You're fucking sick, Lauren. You're staying in bed!" he ordered.

I rolled my eyes. "Profanity doesn't make your point, Dr. Reid."

Reid's lips were pursed so tightly they were losing color.

"I'm sick and I'm at home in bed. Happy now?" I said slowly, still annoyed.

Reid's face softened. "No, I'm not happy… You're sick… I just wish I knew…"

I frowned. "Well, now you know…"

Reid sat back down on my bed, looking sad. "I was worried when I came back and didn't see you in your office… "

I took a deep breath, my anger quelling. "I didn't even think to let you know… you were busy… and you couldn't have done anything anyways… it would have been a distraction."

Reid shook his head, reaching up to touch my cheek. His hand felt cool.

"You don't like people feeling sorry for you and you certainly don't like people thinking you need help. You can take care of everything on your own. Let me guess, you like living alone and being alone? I can tell… You don't want people in your space and that's probably what pissed you off the most about me being here… I was in your space without you inviting me. You don't need anyone, do you?" Reid took a deep breath, "Perhaps that's what frustrates me the most… you don't need what I want to give you…"

I steadied my voice, sniffling and hated that it made me sound weak. "Reid, I don't need anyone. I loved coming home to an empty house last night. I certainly don't need someone to take care of me or be with me all the time. I don't need anyone to worry about me."

Reid looked hurt, looking at his lap. "You don't need it… but it's still what I want to do… what I like doing. I like knowing that you're alright and that you're okay… I don't do it because you need it… I know you don't need it… I wouldn't do it if you did… I just want to make sure… Just let me do it…"

I didn't say anything. My head was pounding.

Reid looked up at me. "Just let me… just let me take care of you while you're sick…"

I sighed. "Fine."

Reid smiled slightly, getting up off the bed and leaving the room.

"Where are you going now?" I asked, frowning.

"To get you more medicine," he said coolly, "Your fever is returning."

Perhaps I was grateful that he was here. I certainly wouldn't have gotten up out of bed to get myself medicine; but I'd never tell him that.

When he returned, he had a bottle of water, cough syrup, and some Tylenol.

He handed it to me gently, even taking the top off of the water. I resisted telling him that I could do it myself.

After I'd had my medicine, Reid left again, back into the living room. He came back in with The Great Gatsby in his hands. He settled in my lounge chaise by the window.

I smiled, snuggling down into my covers, freezing. "What're you doing now?"

Reid grinned at my question. "Well, I'm going to stay for a little while, I might as well reread a classic."

I felt my smile reach my toes. "Will you read it out loud to me?"

Reid's smile fell. I knew he read faster than he could speak. Reading out loud would take him a while.

"It'll keep you here longer," I explained sweetly.

He got up, crossing the room towards me, leaning down and kissing my forehead. "I'll stay as long as you'd like."

I closed my eyes. "At least until I fall asleep."

I could almost hear Reid smile as he kissed my forehead again. "Of course."

I listened to him cross the room again back to the chair and he began to read. His voice wrapped around me as warm as my blankets. I was happy he was here.

I slept hard and soundly, just as I'd done before, the medicine working its way into my system. My eyelids felt like lead.

At some point in the night, I must have woken up. My room was dark and Reid was no longer sitting in the chair across from me. He must have let himself out again like he did the other night. As I turned to roll over, something solid was behind me.

And then I knew it was Reid. He was curled against my back, arm over my waist that I hadn't noticed before. His weight was warm and he breathed gently against the back of my neck.

I settled and he pulled me closer to him in his sleep. I stayed still, trying not to wake him. He may have not needed as much sleep as I did, but I was glad that the little he was doing was with me.


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up to banging. What on Earth was making that god awful noise? I groaned, squeezing my eyes shut. Someone must have lost a tail pipe or something on the street downstairs. The rattling continued.

Clang, clang, clang, clangity clang.

I pulled the pillow over my head, hair in my eyes, but still, it was not enough. The banging of metal was louder.

Clang, clang, clang, clangity, clang.

Man alive! Rage filled me. I just wanted to sleep!

I threw the covers off and flung myself at the window, preparing to open the window and scream and whatever was making that horrible noise.

There was nothing in the street. The banging persisted.

Clang, clang, clang, clangity, clang.

God help me, I'm about to flip a shit.

I glared around my room, flipping hair out of my face. The sound was coming from my kitchen. Good god, was there a raccoon in here?

I grabbed a shoe and stormed out. I was going to chuck this shoe at the damned raccoon if I had to!

When I got to the kitchen, Reid stood at my stove, comfortable as could be.

"What the hell are you doing?" I raged, ready to throw the shoe at him even if he wasn't a raccoon.

He turned around, stunned.

"Uh… I'm making breakfast…" he said awkwardly, turning back around.

I lowered my shoe. "What on earth was that awful banging sound?"

Reid stayed turned around. "I was finding a pot. Your kitchen isn't exactly laid out in the most accessible way…"

I rolled my eyes. "Well, it works for me."

Reid didn't say anything and I retreated to the living room. I flopped myself on the couch, pulling the throw over me.

Reid was banging around in the kitchen again. I wanted to crawl under the couch.

"Here," he said, bringing two bowls into the living room, handing me one, "Oatmeal a la Dr. Reid."

I took it slowly, still wondering why he was still here. He was oblivious, smiling warmly.

"Why are you still here?" I asked, trying not to sound annoyed.

Reid chuckled. "You said I could take care of you while you were sick…"

My brow furrowed. "I didn't mean you had to stay here every waking minute until I got better!"

Reid rolled his eyes back at me. "First of all, I don't _have_ to do anything. It's what I _want_ to do. Secondly, I did leave for a while. I went home, showered, got fresh clothes, and read the paper. Then I came back."

Damn. I didn't have a rebuttal prepared.

"Now hush and eat your oatmeal!" he ordered playfully.

I didn't have anything to say. All I could do was eat my oatmeal spitefully, which just looked silly.

Reid chuckled at my attempts and I tried to ignore him.

In the bedroom, my cell phone rang. I gulped down a hot bite of oatmeal, already getting up. Reid jumped from his seat instead.

"I got it," he announced, going to retrieve my phone. Damn… I could get really lazy with Reid around.

He came back to the living room, phone still ringing in his hand.

"It's Hotch," he said as he handed it to me.

I wrinkled my nose. I'd almost forgotten about work.

"Lauren Scott," I answered, already rolling my eyes at myself. Hotchner knew who he was calling. Ugh.

"Scott," Hotch started, wasting no time, "I know you're ill but I need you in the office now."

Oh goody.

"JJ's out with Henry again; I need you here. There's a case that I need you to brief everyone on and this is another one you'll be attending," he heard me being to protest, "I know this isn't exactly what you want and I understand you're under the weather, but in this job, there will be many things that are not on your list of preferences. I'll see you here in an hour."

He hung up, leaving me holding my phone in my hand, listening to dead air.

I looked up at Reid and he seemed to know exactly what the call was about. I figured this was going to be happening a lot.

As I opened my mouth to tell him, Reid's phone beeped. He pulled it out of his pocket and opened the text.

"Just another day at the office, huh?" he smiled. He was trying to cheer me up.

Truthfully, I was happy to get out of my house. Maybe getting up and properly dressed would make me feel better. I still felt groggy but I contributed that to sleeping too much.

I got up. "I need to shower and get dressed. I'll see you there?"

Reid frowned. "I'll wait for you. We're going to the same place."

I opened my mouth to protest but I decided against it. I didn't have time for this.

I turned and marched towards my bedroom, leaving Reid looking very smug in my living room. I heard him collect dishes and take them to the kitchen. How domestic of him.

My hot shower felt amazing and I wished I had more time to enjoy it. I had to remind myself that I had to be at work soon.

I dried my hair as quickly as I could, leaving it even poofier and frizzier than usual. I scowled and quickly thought about chopping all my hair off. As I applied my make up, I decided against it. I worked for years to grow my hair out long enough so it didn't look like an afro; I shouldn't throw all that had work away for one day of bad hair.

In my closet, I grabbed a nice skirt, blouse (ugh, that word blouse! It reminded me of a bearded louse every time that I said it. I felt older every time I said it, too), and heels low enough to guarantee my ankle safety on the metro and while walking to work.

Still fighting with my hair, I pinned some back and the beast was temporarily appeased. I grabbed my coat off of my bedroom chair. As soon as I lifted it, it smelled like Reid. I tried not to notice.

I was adjusting my watch as I stepped out of my bedroom. Reid was waiting patiently on the couch, deep in thought.

"Ready?" I asked a bit too loudly.

Reid jerked himself from his thinking, looking at me with a grin. "Absolutely."

He followed me to the door, allowing me to get my keys and open the door myself. As I stepped through, his hand was in the small of my back, guiding me out. Again, I tried not to notice.

Most of the way to the office, we were silent. Reid found us quiet seats on the metro and let me lead the way the entire way there.

At the office, we rode the elevator in silence. I hoped no one would notice that we arrived together. That could always be coincidence, right?

Inside, I dropped my coat off in my office, noticing very large stacks of files waiting for me. I resisted the urge to grab a few and organize them before I met with Hotchner.

I went to his office, hoping he didn't think I was already late. No matter how much I worked with the man, he still intimidated the hell out of me.

"Sir," I announced my arrival.

He looked up from his desk. Even sitting, he made me hold my breath and straighten my posture.

"I appreciate you coming in so quickly," he said, not sounding appreciative at all, "Here's the case. I called the team in right after I spoke with you. You'll only have approximately fifteen minutes to prepare."

I waited for more but that was it. I held the file in my hands. "Yes, sir."

I hadn't even left yet and he was already working on more things at his desk.

I already decided to look through the file as I scanned the documents. It looks like this would be how I did things from now on.

As I walked, I flipped it open to get a head start. I was met with a grisly photo that turned my stomach.

It was a foot. A bloody, dirty foot severed above the anklebone.

There was a stack of photos behind this one. I took a deep breath, mentally preparing myself. _It can't be that bad, it can't be that bad…_ but it was.

The proceeding photos were worse. Severed fingers mashed, toes, ears, kneecaps. I shut the file.

Fuck, what was this?

I didn't like it. And shit, Hotchner said I had to go on this case. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to see these things!

I looked over the case as I scanned the images, thankful that they scanned face down so I didn't have to see them again. I read the details of the case and wished they weren't as bad as the pictures, but again, they were.

I checked my watch. I had five minutes. I really hoped I wouldn't lose my breakfast while presenting this… this… I didn't know what to call it.

As the images finished scanning, I chucked them back into the file as quickly as I could, avoiding seeing them again.

In the conference room, I set up the tablets and screen as usual, trying to find a picture that wasn't so hard on the eyes and stomach to start with.

I tried to think about how I'd start presenting this… I channeled my inner Hotchner to find a calm, firm demeanor. I tried to think happy thoughts or something positive about all this, but couldn't find anything.

The team began to come in. Morgan asked how I was feeling, Prentiss offered me a warm smile, and Rossi nodded as he usually did. Garcia grinned from the end of the table. I had a hard time returning their smile. Reid didn't bother to smile. He could tell by my face that this case wasn't going to be good.

Everyone was seated and they began to turn on their tablets to get started. They usually liked to be looking at the evidence while I spoke.

"I wouldn't look just yet…" I warned.

Morgan started to smile but his face fell when he saw mine. It really was that bad. He set his tablet down and the rest followed. Hotchner held his in place, but his eyes were locked on me.

"Wilburton, Oklahoma. A mass grave was found in a field outside the town. The owner of the farm died and the family had a surveyor out to look at the land in order to sell it all…" I gulped, "They found a finger in the soil. After officials arrived, they found more in a pit below… toes, ears, kneecaps, shoulder blades, elbows… When they looked harder at the rest of the field and surrounding areas, they found more pits… eight more… pieces from seven or eight bodies were in each one … "

The team sat silent. Prentiss looked down at her tablet and slid it away. Even she didn't want to see the photos.

"How many complete bodies?," Hotchner asked.

I gulped again. "None… there was only one human part from each body… there is no DNA that matches another piece… they weren't able to find any other locations or indicators of where the rest of the bodies were…"

"We're talking about eight body parts per pit… eight pits… so 64 different victims?" Morgan asked incredulously.

I nodded gravely.

"As far as they were able to see, the pieces in each pit were put there about the same time… once eight parts were deposited, another dump site was developed," I added.

"The covering…." Reid began, "The soil… were the body parts buried intentionally?"

I nodded again. "It looks that way. The soil was very loose on top, just enough to cover it."

Everyone sat silent.

"Wheels up in fifteen," Hotchner announced suddenly, rising from his seat, "I'll see you all on the jet."

The team slowly filed out. Morgan waited for me.

"Damn this is bad," he said, shaking his head.

I let out a long breath. "You got that one."

"You really sure you want to be coming on this case?" Morgan asked gently.

I rolled my eyes. "I really don't have a choice. JJ is out and Hotch said I have to go on this one."

Morgan scoffed. "This is going to be a rough one, girly."

I nodded. "Yeah… I know…"

He nodded to mirror mine. "Alright… well… it gets tough… but you can do it."

I laughed. "Thanks for the pep talk."

Morgan smiled, patting me on the back. "You know I got you, girl!"

I smiled with him. At least I had a good team.

"Alright, well let's get on this plane. We got body parts to investigate!" he rubbed his hands together like he was excited.

I wrinkled my nose. I really hoped I wouldn't throw up on this case…


	5. Chapter 5

When we landed in Oklahoma, we had a long drive to Wilburton. I rode with Reid, Prentiss, and Morgan. Reid chirped about the details of Wilburton as we drove.

"You know that city of Wilburton is actually only three square miles? The population is even 3,000 for the area," Reid noted.

He looked around the SUV like he expected someone to respond.

"Oh uh… you don't say…" Prentiss piped up.

"Wilburton was originally established in 1890 as a stop for the Butterfield Overland Mail stage coach," Reid added, " And Robbers Cave State Park is only five miles away…"

"Hmm…." Morgan said.

I smirked. Reid always had something to say.

Off of Main Street, we pulled into the Central Street Precinct. It was a very small town, with a police department to match. This city probably hadn't had a murder investigation since the 1800s.

Morgan led the way into the building as Hotchner and Rossi parked. I timidly followed and wished I were back home. I hated walking into strange buildings and meeting people I didn't know.

"Agent Morgan, FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit," Morgan announced, taking his sunglasses off in a very practiced manner, "Who's in charge?"

The three officers sitting at desks pointed to a separate office, of which a man in a suit was coming out.

"I'm Officer Walton, you're here about those holes we found?" the stocky man with a tie too short said.

Morgan nodded patiently. "Yes, sir, do you have somewhere that we can set up?"

"Please, this way," Officer Walton led us to a room in the back of the office. There was a large conference table, chalkboards, and one small window. It almost felt like home.

Hotchner checked his watch. "Rossi, go with Morgan to the discovery location. Prentiss and Reid, go to Latimer County General Hospital… the… remains are being stored there… the medical examiner should be able to speak with you. Scott, I'd like you to accompany me to speak with the current owners of the land and the neighbors."

Without dismissing the team, Hotchner turned, leaving me to scurry behind him. Reid shot me a wink. I tried not to blush as I caught up with Hotchner, smoothing down my shirt. I'd changed on the plane. We were going to a field in Oklahoma… a skirt and heels would not be appropriate.

Rossi and Morgan got into the back of the black SUV, Morgan pausing to open my door for me. I smiled graciously and he nodded, stone faced.

"Scott, tell me the details of the case," Hotchner ordered as he backed out of the parking lot.

"Oh… uh…" I stammered. He caught me off guard.

He looked annoyed already.

"While a surveyor was inspecting land for sale, he found a mass grave which turned out to be eight graves. There were body parts in each grave, none of them with matching genetic material. About eight parts per grave," I said, trying to sound confident.

"When did the owner die?" he asked, eyes still on the road.

"Um…" _SHIT! I read that… shit… where did I read it…_ "Six months ago…"

"How recent was the newest grave?" Hotchner said, sounding impatient.

_Oh fuck… why the hell didn't I study the file on the way here? _

"Three months," I stammered, "Give or take a few weeks…"

Rossi spoke from the backseat. "Could the farmer have been aware or involved in this?"

Morgan answered. "Probably not. The man was on an oxygen tank and hadn't actively farmed the land in years."

"It wasn't leased out? Hotchner asked.

I shook my head. "No record of that. I'll be sure to ask the neighbors in case it was off the books or to a family member."

Hotchner let out a breath like he wondered why I hadn't done that already.

I sat back in my seat as far as we could.

We turned down a dirt road and it reminded me of Missouri.

We parked in front of a big farmhouse at the end of the dirt road. There was a chicken coop but no chickens. I looked at the farming equipment. Mostly corn. The barn had stalls but I suspected that they hadn't been used to livestock.

Hotchner approached the home with Morgan and Rossi behind him. There was a blue sedan parked by the unoccupied chicken coop. I stood observing the land and the barnyard.

I could smell dry grass.

A woman came out of the farmhouse, onto the porch. Hotchner greeted her and introduced us. He told her that Morgan and Rossi would be going out into the field. The woman covered her mouth as she spoke.

I called to the woman and asked if she minded that I looked around. She shook her head. Hotchner looked annoyed that I wasn't speaking to the woman.

I went into the barn, thankful I'd worn boots. The barn smelled like iron and rafters; one of my favorite smells. I glanced into the stalls. Just as I'd thought, they were full of tractor parts, plows, chicken feed, and garden tools. No livestock had been here in years, if ever.

In the back of the barn, three tractors sat abandoned. Each had a thick layer of dust and dirt. The seats were dry and cracked. I looked at the tires; they were dry as a bone. The mud had been fossilized.

I looked at the engine and checked the oil level in each tractor.

"What are you doing?" I heard Hotchner ask from behind me.

"Checking the oil in these tractors. They look like they haven't been used in years but I'm making sure… if the farmer was involved or if he knew the unsub, he would have used a tractor to go out into the field… he would have never taken a truck off of the road. These tractors haven't been used in years…" I noted.

I knew Hotchner was thinking.

"What else do you see?" he asked.

I turned back from the engine, my hands black with oil and dirt. "This farm hasn't been functional in years. The chicken feed is still fresh so he did have chickens but that looks like that's about it... I don't think this farmer had any idea what was going on on his land…"

Hotchner pursed his lips. "That's what his niece just told me."

I looked outwards towards the field. I couldn't see Morgan or Rossi.

"Was the land leased?" I asked.

Hotchner shook his head. "Not once."

"I want to go out to the field," I said, already anticipating Hotchner's reaction, "I don't want to see it but I want to see around it…"

Hotchner nodded, looking at me strangely.

He turned and went to the farmhouse. Since Morgan and Rossi took the SUV, the niece of the farmer offered to drive us to the field.

She took us down long roads. The unsub wouldn't have had to drive by the farmhouse to get to the field. He could access it anytime he wanted. A road ran parallel to the most recent grave, halfway into the field.

I could see Morgan and Rossi ahead on the left, there were trees on our right.

"You can stop here," I offered.

The woman shrugged, stopping the car. Hotchner thanked her and told her we'd be in touch and we got out.

Hotchner stood in the dust cloud of the retreating car and stared at me. We weren't close to the graves or where Morgan had parked the SUV.

We were almost a mile from it.

I started walking, looking at the trees, glancing up.

"What are you looking for?" Hotchner asked, entertained.

"The unsub probably came out here at night, he would need some sort of marker to note where to park and where the graves were. We know where it is because it's surrounded by police tape… this guy would need a marker…"

Hotchner studied me.

When we were a few hundred feet from where the SUV was parked, I slowed down, eyes straining, looking. I knew there had to be a marker.

Rossi and Morgan had begun to walk towards the road to meet us.

I stopped and flattened my hand across my brow, blocking out the sun, looking up at the tall trees, looking for a glimmer.

_Where were you, you son of a_….There it was….

A small piece of reflective plastic the size of a half dollar was nailed to a tree branch twenty feet before where the SUV was parked.

I pointed. "Right there."

Hotchner shaded his eyes to see then looking at me like I'd lost my mind.

I smiled to myself, proud, and went to the tree.

The marker was on a high branch that hung over the road like the arm of a T. At the tree, I studied the roots. They were thick.

I kicked off my boots and peeled off my socks. I didn't look at Hotchner to avoid his expression of horror.

Pulling at my pants at the thigh to loosen them, I put one foot on the tree and began to climb. My hair swung over my shoulder as I reached up and looked down to get my footing. I could hear Morgan and Rossi approaching Hotchner.

"What the hell is she doing?" Morgan asked Hotchner.

"I have no idea." Hotchner retorted.

"Hey!" Morgan called, "What the hell are you doing?"

I didn't answer. I was almost to the branch with the marker.

The thick branches created a small space that would have been perfect for a tree house. Instead it had been a perfect place for a killer to place his marker to find his way back.

I looked at the marker closely. It had been there for years. I looked at the surrounding branches carefully. I knew what I'd find on one of them. I looked closely and on a nearby branch, I found it.

"The unsub's initials are R.S." I called.

"How the hell do you know that?" Morgan called, shading his eyes.

"Because he carved it right here," I called back, preparing to climb back down. I took my cell phone out of my back pocket and took a picture of the carving to send to Garcia.

I climbed back down carefully, replacing my shoes and boots.

"Why would he carve his initials?" Rossi asked, approaching me as I sat to put on my shoes.

"When you place a marker, you put your initials or brand on it. If the marker is too small or it would mar it, you leave your initials somewhere close," I explained.

The men looked at me with furrowed brows.

"My dad always had me put our markers up. LS is on a couple hundred trees in Missouri," I continued.

"And you're certain it's the unsub and not someone else's marker?" Hotchner asked, looking around.

I nodded. "The farmer hadn't used this land in years and there's no reason someone else would put a marker here for the killer to conveniently use to find his dumpsites every time. The unsub put it here probably after he made the first grave so he could come back."

I stood in front of the tree and pointed. "The marker lines up with the oldest grave."

Morgan stared at me. "Good thing we brought the girl from Missouri out here!"

"Let's get back," Hotchner said, "It'll be dark soon and we need to brief the team."

As we walked up to the SUV, Morgan playfully punched me in the shoulder.

"So is that what you did in Missouri all your life? Climb trees and stuff?" he asked with a smile.

"Something like that," I smiled back.

I could have told him about my family's farm and how I grew up but I decided that him seeing me climb a tree was enough for one day.

In the SUV, I emailed the picture to Garcia to add to our evidence, as well as the initials.

Hotchner called Reid and Prentiss to see where they were. I smiled as I thought of Hotchner as a father, calling his children to check on them.

Hotchner put them on speakerphone as we listened to them describe what they learned from the medical examiner.

"Again, none of the body parts are genetic matches. They're all from different individuals," Reid chirped.

"The good news is that they were removed post mortem," Prentiss added, "Most likely with a scalpel."

"Anything else?" Hotchner asked.

"There were eight of the same parts in each grave," Reid said in a low voice, "Two big toes, an index finger, two right ears, a kneecap, right shoulder blade, and an elbow…"

I felt a sick joke about a partridge in a pear tree come into my head.

"What was used to… cut through the bone… a scalpel couldn't have done that…" Morgan said quietly.

"A bone saw," Prentiss said just as quietly.

Quiet fell upon the SUV.

"It's getting late," Hotchner announced, "Head to the hotel and we'll start fresh tomorrow. We can't do much in the dark."

Reid and Prentiss agreed and said they would meet us at the hotel.

* * *

The hotel wasn't even in Wilburton. The town was too small to have a proper hotel and the motel there was questionable. The officers at the police station had told Hotchner to have us stay in nearby McAlester.

After Hotchner checked us in, he handed us our room keys, Prentiss's and Reid's still in his hand, and told us that he'd see us at 7am the next morning.

We scurried to our rooms before Hotchner could call us back. Morgan joked in the elevator about going to the nearby casino. Prentiss giggled like she thought he was serious.

In my room, I threw my bag down, triple locked the door, and headed towards the shower.

I did miss Missouri, but I did not miss the dirt and dust that the country brought. I wanted to wash the idea of bone saws and body parts from my mind.

After I showered, I shook out my hair and redressed in more casual clothes: jeans and a V neck t-shirt. Time to relax. I hoped that the team wouldn't want to have dinner together. We were together all day and I needed to be by myself for a while.

In the downstairs restaurant, I ordered a sandwich to go, desperate to take it back up to my room and spend time by myself. I felt like a squirrel eyeing an acorn, planning on burying it.

As the server handed me a white paper bag, I caught sight of Reid in the lobby. He grinned at me and looked genuinely overjoyed to see me. He received his room key from the front desk and turned back towards me.

Carrying my dinner in a sack, I met him halfway in the lobby.

He stepped closely to me, arms loose to hug me, and then backed away. We were still in public.

"I'm so glad to see you," he confessed, "I've had a long day."

I blushed. "So did I."

Reid smiled at me and studied my face, then noticing my dinner. "Eating alone?"

I nodded. "It's too loud down here. I need some peace and quiet."

"Prentiss and I had dinner on the way back," he explained, "I can't wait to take a shower."

I nodded fervently, indicating my wet hair. "I know the feeling."

Reid grinned at me as we began to walk towards the elevator.

"I'm room 314," he said, looking down at his card and pressing the number three in the elevator.

"I'm 317," I said, holding my paper sack. I felt like I was in middle school.

Reid winked at me as the elevator dinged to our floor.

"Enjoy your dinner," he said as he stopped at his door.

I turned to thank him but he grabbed my arm and pulled me to him, kissing me.

Before I could kiss him back, he pulled away, grinning mischievously and disappearing into his hotel room.

I grinned and pouted at the same time. Reid made me giddy but also frustrated that he only gave me one kiss.

I retreated to my room in a pout to eat my dinner and resist marching back to Reid's room and demanding more.

* * *

Sorry if I've kept you waiting! I'm getting married this year and I've been preoccupied with wedding planning and buying a house. I will say, however, that the reviews and comments make updates come a lot faster since I know you're actually reading and want more. J


	6. Chapter 6

Be forewarned: this chapter gets quite graphic and explicit. You can skip to the next chapter and still understand what happened.

* * *

My dinner was mediocre but did its purpose. I was satisfied.

There was nothing on the TV except the weather channel and TV Guide.

I scrunched my face and tried more channels. Soap operas and the weather channel again.

The bedside phone ran shrilly. It startled me and I stared at it. I'd never had a phone ring in a hotel room before.

It rang again and I wondered if it was a wrong number.

I let it ring again.

Shit, what if it was Hotchner?

I lunged for the phone and did a belly flop on the bed.

"Hello?"

"Why do people watch TV if this is the sort of thing on it?"

I grinned, turning over onto my back. "Hi, Reid."

"I mean, really, why on Earth would anyone watch TV for hours listening to the weather channel? It's absurd! People really just need to read a book!" he ranted.

I laughed. "No, Reid, not all TV is like this… this is just hotel tv."

Reid scoffed. "It's ridiculous."

I smiled.

"Anyways… I'd like to see you again… ten minutes in the lobby wasn't enough…" he said quietly, "Would you come over for a while? You can tell me about your day?"

I nodded, smiling. "Give me five minutes and I'll be over."

I hung up before he could respond.

I stood up and adjusted my shirt from my belly flop.

I was going over to Reid's hotel room. I grinned. Something about this felt deliciously wicked. I felt like I was sneaking out from home and going to meet a boy. Something about Reid made me want him badly. I'd almost forgotten until he kissed me in the hall, but I had remembered quickly. And he'd left me wanting more.

I bit my lip and snuck out of my room, checking to make sure the hallway was clear. It was and I dashed down the hall to Reid's door, double checking the number, and knocking.

Reid answered with a warm smile.

"Hey," he said softly, inviting me in, he looked tired and worn.

As the door closed behind me, he pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around me, bringing my face to rest at his collarbone.

"I've missed you," he whispered in my ear, holding me close, "I see you every day but I don't get to be with you."

I quelled my desire for him and let him hold me.

He leaned down and kissed my forehead, tilting my face up to then kiss my lips.

He was gentle but held me tightly.

"I needed to see you," he whispered, his eyes large.

I hadn't seen Reid this vulnerable before. He must have had a really bad day…

"It was that bad, huh?" I asked gently.

Reid shook his head. "I've seen bad before… but… this was indescribable…"

I didn't know what to say.

Reid pulled away. "Anyway, I heard you climbed a tree today."

I laughed. "Who told you that?"

"Morgan," Reid grinned, going to the TV and turning it off.

I rolled my eyes with a smile. "Yes, I climbed a tree, but it was for the case!"

Reid laughed. "What am I going to do with you?"

My smile faded and I could feel my eyes dilate. Oh, I could think of a few things…

Reid noticed and he swallowed hard.

My breathing deepened as I stepped towards him. He'd left me wanting more and I was prepared to take it.

As I stepped against him, I pulled him to me, mouth on mine, hips colliding. The feel of him against me jarred my nerves. He kissed me deeply and brought me to him closer.

Kissing him left me breathless, yet still I wanted more.

His hands were on my waist and in my still damp hair, crushing me to him. My heat was contagious and he kissed me hard, like I'd wanted him to.

His lips trailed down my neck, roughly across my throat. His hands snaked their way down my back and to the bottom of my shirt, going under to touch my skin.

The feel of his hands on my skin arched my back and in one swift motion, he slipped my shirt over my head, letting it fall to the floor. His hands explored my exposed skin, his lips across my collarbone, breath hot. He drug his lips to my shoulder, sliding my bra strap off, out of his way, savoring the skin it covered. It was exquisite.

Reid's hips pressed against me and his chest brushed mine, his clothes seeming to caress my skin as his hands did. He bit at my neck gently and he tipped my head back. My hands desperately searched for the hem of his shirt, frantic to get it off.

I struggled to get his arms through as I pulled it off, but once it fell to the floor, I got my body up against his, relishing the feel of his bare skin on mine. The smooth sensation tipped my head back as I gasped for air. His skin was smooth and soft. Every pore of mine gasped for breath as a shudder ran through me.

Reid's hands were on my back, keeping me against him, as his lips found mine again, his bare chest against me. My hands grasped his shoulders, trying to stay on my feet.

He kissed up to my ear, breathing hard.

"You have no idea how badly I want you," he breathed, struggling for air.

I let out a low sound in my throat, between a gasp and a moan, which fueled him. His hands entwined in my hair and on my back as he pulled me closer, sure to leave bruises.

I didn't care. I still wanted more.

Brazenly, I pushed him back onto the bed. As I leaned down to join him, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me down on top of him, my skin sliding against his, making me bite my lip.

Above him, my hair fell into his face. He laughed as he pushed it away, trying to make his way through to kiss me again. I flipped it out of the way and he grabbed my face, pulling me down to him again.

He looked up at me with eyes that seemed to say '_I don't want to be anywhere else but here.'_

Reid smiled at me, thumb caressing my cheek, before he pulled me back down to him, frantic to feel my lips on his.

I felt his hands on my back, at the clasp of my bra. In a flick of his wrist, it detached and pulled from me. He sat up quickly, sliding my bare chest against his, making him moan deep in his throat, his hands in my hair.

In an instant, he rolled us, pinning me under him, his hips pressing against mine, my leg coming up beside him.

He rested on his elbows, hands in my hair, lips on mine, my hands on his chest. He hadn't winced once.

As he kissed down my neck, I felt his hands at the button on my jeans. They, and my panties, were gone as quickly as my bra. I felt vulnerable and exposed but Reid covered me with his own body, hands exploring me. I surrendered myself to him and let him, savoring his touch. He touched me tenderly and roughly, enough to make me arch against the bed and pull him closer.

His pants followed mine and he laid against me, hot and breathing heavily. I was lying with Dr. Spencer Reid, a man who simply amazed me.

As he kissed me, I soon felt the smooth, cold feel of latex against me that I hadn't noticed him place.

Reid looked down at me with eyes full of questions, the same questions I wondered….

Would I let him?

My heavy breathing should have answered him but he waited. He wanted to be sure.

He looked down at me, his eyes still asking, admiring me, breathing just as hard as I was, already pressing into me. The tilt of my hips was all the answer he needed.

The feeling bowed my back and arched me against him. He pulled my leg up to him, letting him deeper. My head pushed back and he leaned down to kiss my neck, finding his rhythm.

My hips raised to meet him, hands at his shoulders, pulling him close, but he wanted to watch me.

Reid stayed where he could see my face and when I looked up at him, I saw a look that I hadn't expected.

He grinned down at me and I knew he was happy. Not happy because of what we were doing, happy because it was me. He was happy to be with me. The look in his eyes said that I meant more than just this to him.

I pulled him down to me, letting him know what I knew that, letting him have me.

He kissed my cheek as the tension began to build. I tried to fight it, savoring it, biting my lip.

"Don't fight it," Reid whispered in my ear, "Let it happen. Let me love you…"

And I did. I let him send me over the edge, shaking, crying out against into his shoulder, hands grasping him.

I felt him smile into my hair, kissing my cheek, and allowing himself to find his own release.


	7. Chapter 7

Afterwards, I lay dazed, chilled, my skin cold. Reid lay next to me, fingers tracing my cool skin. I didn't want to be the first one to speak.

Reid kissed my shoulder, basking in happiness.

"You let me…" he whispered.

I giggled with a small smile. "I did."

Reid leaned up on his elbow, leaning over me. "No… I mean… you really let me, Lauren… you let me love you…"

I looked up at him and he touched my face. "You never let anyone do anything for you but you let me take care of you when you were sick and now you let me love you…"

I rolled my eyes, scoffing. "Reid, all we did was have sex."

I regretted it as soon as I'd said it.

Reid wrinkled his nose. "No. That's vulgar. We didn't just have sex. It was more. I loved you and you let me. You let me show you."

I didn't look at him. "Reid, you don't love me."

He sat up, angry. "I don't understand why it's so easy for you to dismiss people, to dismiss _me. _It's one thing to not accept help but to not accept love… to dismiss it like it doesn't exist… I had to fight to take care of you when you were sick and now… I asked if you'd let me love you and you said yes… you wanted it… you wanted _me_…"

He looked at me with hurt eyes. I had said yes, in theory… and I did want him…

"And I refuse to believe that you just wanted," he wrinkled his nose, "_that._"

I shook my head. "You know that's not true… I did want you… I still do… I…"

I didn't know what to say…

"I didn't just have _sex_ with you," he said the word like it was offensive, "I was loving you and you let me. You liked it. And you can deny it but I know you loved me back."

I didn't say anything because I knew he was right. He saw it.

He pulled me into his arms gently, the hurt still in his eyes.

"You loved me and I know you won't admit it. That's not what I'm asking. All I'd like is for you to allow me to love you and not dismiss me… I didn't cringe once while we loved each other. That means something…" he said gently.

I leaned up and kissed him, apologizing. I wanted to apologize for all this, for making him feel dismissed and hurting him.

The hurt in his eyes killed me and I knew that he'd been right. I wanted to fix this but I wasn't sure how. He looked at me sadly and I knew what he wanted. I knew what would make him happy. I'd done it already but I did have to say it out loud, for him and for me.

"Reid," I said softly, searching his eyes, "Will you love me?"

Reid's eyes lit up, he grinned, and he kissed my forehead. "I already do."


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning came quickly.

As Reid's alarm went off, I slipped out of his arms and back to my room. He was an early riser and I still had an hour before the team was supposed to meet. I was surprised that he didn't catch me slinking out the door; that or he let me leave without a fight… I hoped it was the first.

As I discarded my clothes on the bathroom floor of my hotel room, I turned away from them, shaking the thought from my mind. I had wanted it, hadn't I? Wasn't that what I'd planned when I went over there?

I didn't know.

I got into the shower feeling cheap and self-conscious, not empowered and satisfied like I'd thought I'd feel.

As I washed my hair, I regretted what I'd said to Reid last…

"_Reid," I said softly, searching his eyes, "Will you love me?"_

It was exactly what he'd wanted to hear… exactly what he was dying for me to say…

I wrinkled my nose at the thought of myself sounding so cheesy and hokey. I made a gagging noise involuntarily.

The truth was, I really did care about Reid, I know I did… but did I love him? Geez, who even talks about that kind of stuff, especially right after having sex? I shuddered. It was all so cheesy.

Why was I so cynical about this? I did love how compassionate Reid was… but I also loved that he was awkward, removed, and clinical… He didn't like being touched and I didn't like people touching me emotionally. He did say that I never let anyone do anything for me, that I dismiss people. He was right.

Shit… so why did I even say what I said?

Damn… if I told Reid I shouldn't have said that… he'd be crushed… and if I dismiss him again now, he'll think I used him.

Well… didn't I?

I hit the wall of my shower in protest. No. I did not use him. I do care about him.

I turned the shower off and stood there for a moment. I rested my forehead against the cool tile. I wished Reid was here and giving me some fact about dopamine and serotonin and why I'd felt it necessary to give him what he wanted.

I was emotionally detached… I needed someone to do the same. Reid having emotion and me saying what he wanted to hear but not honestly believing it made me feel like a monster.

I dried off and got dressed, hoping that Reid wouldn't get mushy gushy the first time he saw me today. I prayed he wouldn't get mushy gushy at all… Maybe he would understand?

I shook my head and laughed at myself. Probably not. At least we'd always have Wilburton? Nah… didn't sound very catchy.

I considered wearing boots and jeans today if we were planning on going out into the field again… but I decided that we'd probably be working from the station. I pinned the front section of my hair back and put some gel into the rest of it. Humidity and my hair wouldn't mix well.

I put on grey slacks, a green blouse (yuck, blouse), and a blazer. I wore dress boots similar to the ones Prentiss and JJ wore. It must be a BAU thing.

I tossed my wallet into my blazer pocket along with my room key and headed out the door.

I made it into the elevator without seeing Reid or anyone else. I breathed a sigh of relief.

In the lobby, Prentiss and Morgan stood with cups of coffee, waiting for everyone else. I joined them, hoping they wouldn't ask me what I did last night.

"Hey there, sleeping beauty!" Morgan teased with a smile.

I scoffed with a smile to match his, rolling my eyes.

"Rossi and Hotchner already headed to the station. We're just waiting on you and Reid to head over there, too. Hotch's hoping we'll have a lead or something by today so the pressure's on…" Prentiss said.

I pursed my lips, thinking. I pulled out my cell phone, preparing to call the knower of all things in the universe.

"Office of the all-knowing, how can I be of service?" Garcia chirped.

I grinned. "Hey Garcia, it's Lauren, have you found anything on this case yet?"

I could hear her rolling her eyes. "Since Hotchner called me an hour ago? Nope. Nothing new…"

I turned away from Prentiss and Morgan, taking a few steps. "Could you connect any missing persons listings to the time when the body parts were…. buried?"

Garcia paused. "Not in the Wilburton area, which means all your victims are from far away, and I mean far, far away. The closest missing person is from a couple hundred miles away."

"So he's transporting them… either dead or alive, he has to move them… are there any trucker routes that run through Wilburton?" I asked.

"Not one that specifies that highway… although he may not be a licensed trucker… He may have the rig but not be working for a company…" she said warily.

I nodded. He couldn't be a working trucker if he was abducting and killing all these people.

"Garcia, check trucking company records. Was anyone let go or fired around the time that the first dumpsite was created?" I asked.

"That'll take some time, sweet pea," Garcia said regretfully, "I need to go through all the different companies."

"Alright, well, let us know when you find something…" I added.

"10-4," Garcia ended the call.

I ended the call on my phone and tucked it back into my pocket.

I turned around to face Prentiss and Morgan; Reid was with them.

It jarred me to see his smiling face, happy to see me.

"Garcia is looking into if this guy is a trucker. There are no missing persons for hundreds of miles here, these victims had to have come from far away and been transported here," I noted.

Reid nodded. "That's a good possibility. With the space and privacy a rig would provide, he could really do anything he wanted."

I tried not to make eye contact with Reid. I knew that he noticed.

"Well, let's go meet up with Rossi and Hotchner to see what they have," Morgan said as he started out the front door.

I followed. Reid caught up to walk beside me and I didn't look at him.

In the SUV, Reid sat with me in the backseat as Prentiss and Morgan rode in the front, oblivious.

Reid tried to catch my eye but I looked out the window. I did catch him smiling once during the drive so hopefully this wasn't too awkward.

"You know," Reid piped up, "The unsub could be a traveling salesman or speaker traveling in a van…"

I thought about it.

"A salesman or speaker probably wouldn't be comfortable going out into that field and getting that dirty… wherever he went, he'd have to clean up afterwards. A trucker could easily explain being muddy and dirty, they could carry tools, and they would blend in easily as a drifter."

Reid nodded. He continued to think.

As Morgan pulled into a parking spot at the station, we all jumped out. I was thankful not to be stuck in the small space anymore.

Morgan and Prentiss headed inside.

"Lauren," Reid stopped me before I could follow them.

Shit.

I stopped, trying not to make eye contact with him.

"Could a big rig make it out to that field without being seen?" Reid asked, his hands in his pocket.

I shrugged. "If he had the trailer attached still, he would have to disconnect to go off the main road. The trailer would get stuck easily and it'd be hard to back out… he could either take the truck in and then have a wagon or some kind of wheelbarrow to move the body parts into the field."

Reid nodded. "So it probably is a trucker then… he could pick up victims anywhere he's traveling and transport them."

"We still don't know cause of death yet," I added, "We know he removed the part post mortem but we don't know how he killed them first… or if they were still alive while he transported them."

Reid looked up, thinking.

"Are we going to talk about last night?" he asked cautiously.

Damnit. That came out of nowhere.

"Um… well… there's nothing to talk about," I tried to explain, trying to slip past him to get inside.

He blocked my exit. "I know what you're doing here. I could explain what your behavior and body language really means but I don't' think you want to hear it right now. I'll let you have your space but I'll have you know, I'm not going anywhere."

I didn't look at him. Now I really felt like crap.

"I know this is how you are," he added, a small smile on his face while trying to get me to look at him, "It doesn't change anything."

I felt almost annoyed that he thought he had me figured out. I felt like I did when he showed up to take care of me when I was sick. This time he was in my mental space.

"C'mon," I said, "We need to get started on the case…"

Reid smiled. "We do. You don't need to keep me at an arm's length, Lauren… I get the picture."

I raised my eyebrows. I really didn't want to get into this with him right now.

I headed into the station with Reid following me, looking smug and amused. My cynical self wanted to punch him.


	9. Chapter 9

"Garcia found three ex truckers that fit our timeline that were fired or let go from their company around the time the first body parts were buried in the field," Hotchner said as Reid and I came into the station.

I raised my eyebrows. That was fast.

"Where are they?" Reid asked, stepping towards the map pinned to the wall.

Rossi shook his head. "They're off the grid. They didn't have any scheduled routes but Garcia is tracking their phone records and credit card statements to get an idea of where they've been lately."

Reid nodded, thinking. "Anyone that stands out more than the others?"

Prentiss started to speak, "Not really… all drifters, all in their forties, all let go from trucking companies."

Reid studied the map, thinking, and pointing at different cities. I loved the way he focused and concentrated. There was something unbelievable sexy about it. I shook the thought from my head. I need to focus.

Suddenly, I had an idea. "What are the names of the truckers?"

"Albert Green, Ray Stover, and Paul Michaels," Morgan said, reading from the file.

"Ray Stover," Hotchner said before I could, "That's our unsub… Scott found the initials R.S. by the marker on the tree at the field. He left his mark."

Reid already had Garcia on the phone, "Garcia, Ray Stover, try and find a location for him or where he's been recently…"

I imagined Garcia typing away on her computer.

"Clarksville and Poteau?" Reid repeated, heading towards the map. He circled two cities East of Wilburton.

"When was what?" Hotchner asked. Reid repeated the question to Garcia.

"Clarksville yesterday morning and Poteau last night, he's in the area already," Reid noted quickly, "Garcia's sending us his picture."

Hotchner and Rossi straightened. Prentiss looked unsure.

"He probably dumps at night," Morgan spoke up, "He either dumped last night or he's laying low until dark tonight."

Hotchner nodded. "Scott and Morgan get out to that field and find out. Prentiss and Reid, look for Stover's trailer, it may be parked somewhere. Rossi and I will look in the diners and the motels. If he's waiting for dark, he'll still be here somewhere."

Everyone nodded.

"Be careful. We don't know if we'll have live victims or how Stover kills them. Extreme caution," Hotchner added.

The team began to split up, pairing up for their assignments. Morgan waited for me at the door. I followed him out to the SUV and got in.

Our SUV and Prentiss and Reid's turned opposite ways down the street.

Morgan had his sunglasses on, making him look like he was from a catalog.

We rode in silence out of the town limits and out to the dirt roads.

"So what's going on with Reid?" Morgan asked coolly.

I felt my cheeks get red.

"What do you mean?" I asked slowly.

Morgan laughed. "C'mon, Lauren, we talked about this in Canada. I knew something was going on with Reid back then. And we're all profilers. It's obvious, sweet girl. But today you wouldn't even look at him, it was very tense."

I didn't say anything. I wondered how much Morgan really knew.

"Well, I'll tell you what I've observed," oh boy, this should be rich, "Ever since we met you, Reid's liked you. He likes you a lot. He's taken you out, brought you breakfast, and took care of you when you were sick. He really does care for you and until today, it appeared that you felt the same. And then today, you won't look at him, don't want to be near him but he seems fine. I'd deduce that something happened last night. Either you two got into a fight or something else happened…"

I tensed up.

"Oh… I see…" Morgan said, figuring it out, "C'mon, Lauren, what happened? Let me help you here, baby girl."

I glared at him, exasperated. "Morgan, I don't want to talk about it!"

Morgan grinned. "Let me help you, girl!"

I covered my eyes with my hand. Gosh, this was painful.

The SUV came to a stop at the side of the dirt road. I looked at Morgan. We weren't at the field.

"I'm not moving this car until you tell me," Morgan threatened.

"Morgan!" I screamed, "We need to get to the field and do our job!"

Morgan smiled sweetly at me, taking the keys out of the ignition and playing with them, whistling.

God damn him.

"God damnit, Morgan!" I yelled, he waited patiently.

I hit the dash in front of me. "FINE! You know what Reid and I did last night and he… he said the L word and then I said it but I shouldn't have said it. He's all up in my emotional space and wants to be mushy gushy and touchy feely and that's just not me. I can't do it. I don't do commitment or emotions or love or any of that… can we go now?"

Morgan put the keys into the ignition and started the SUV; slowly taking us down the dirt road.

It was silent and awkward.

"Do you want to be with Reid or not?" Morgan asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I thought I did… and I really liked him… but… he needs something different than what I am."

Morgan laughed. "And what exactly are you?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm cynical and easily annoyed. I don't like letting people in and Reid says I dismiss people, which is true. I like being alone and having my own space. I'm just not a mushy gushy person."

Morgan raised his eyebrow. "And Reid is?"

I laughed. "I didn't think so… in public, he's clinical and detached and focused… which is what I liked about him. But when he's with me… he's mushy, romantic, and sensitive. I know that's what he wants from me, too. And it makes me feel like a monster because I don't want to feel like that."

Morgan shot a glance at me. "Does Reid know that?"

I shrugged. "That's what he wanted to talk to me about this morning. He knows why I'm acting distant and he knows that's just how I am. He says it doesn't change anything and he's not going anywhere."

Morgan made a "hmm" noise. "So what's the problem?"

I looked out the window. "I know what he really wants from me but I don't think I can give it to him. It's not fair to him."

"Why don't you let him decide?" Morgan asked.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Because I'll still feel like a monster… stop here."

Morgan took a second to process my request. We were about 200 feet from the marker on the tree. Morgan stopped the SUV on the dirt road.

I got out of the SUV and started down the dirt road, looking down.

Morgan followed me, looking, too.

"There are tracks from our SUV from the last time we were here," I noticed, "And from the farmer's neice's car."

Morgan nodded like he could tell but he probably couldn't.

We walked up to the marker. I looked up at the tree and didn't see anything different.

We turned and looked out at the field. You could still see Rossi and Morgan's footprints from where they walked last time.

"He hasn't been here," I said, shading my eyes from the sun.

Morgan nodded. "We need to be sure… we have to go out there."

Morgan started to walk into the field but I stood firm. He turned back to me.

"C'mon, Lauren, it's just some dirt… nothing else is out there," Morgan coaxed.

I breathed heavily, gathered my courage, and followed Morgan into the field.

Old cornstalks crunched under my feet as we got to the holes in the ground. They were all old and covered; nothing new.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

Morgan looked. "Nothing is out here."

He took out his cell phone, dialed a number, and put it up to his ear.

I looked at the ground, imagining fingers, toes, and ears in the dirt. My stomach hurt.

"Hotchner, he hasn't been out here yet," Morgan said, "Oh, okay, we'll meet you there."

He hung up and looked at me.

"They found him at a diner in town," he told me, "They're taking him to the station. Prentiss and Reid are still looking for his trailer."

I nodded, relieved that they found the bad guy and not us. We headed back towards the SUV.

"Just talk to Reid, Lauren," Morgan started again. I'd thought we'd dropped the topic. "He just wants to make you happy, whatever that means."

I nodded. "I do like him... he just needs to know what he's dealing with."

Morgan laughed. "Reid's a profiler. He already knows."

I smiled. "Reid just knows everything, doesn't he?"

Morgan smiled. "At least you know that."


	10. Chapter 10

"Reid and Prentiss found the trailer behind a diner Ray Stover ate at…. it had a wheelbarrow, shovel, drivers licenses of a lot of victims, scalpels and bone saws, a lot of DNA, and buckets of body parts in it…" Morgan said as he got off the phone with Prentiss.

My stomach felt sick.

We'd parked in front of the station when Prentiss called. I really didn't what to know what Ray Stover did to all those people… or where the rest of their bodies were.

As we walked into the station, a police officer pointed us towards an interrogation room.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Morgan," I called, he turned, "I'm going to start organizing our paperwork and get started on the report, okay?"

Morgan hesitated but then he realized why I didn't want to hear the interrogation. He nodded and went in by himself.

I got started putting all of our files into boxes. I really hated being in the field at that moment. I didn't want to be here where the boogeyman was. I didn't want to see the face of the man who did all this… I didn't want to think that the whole team knew the situation with Reid, either…

My head hurt. I had liked Reid when he was cold and clinical… but not when he was romantic and saying the things any normal person would want to hear. I just didn't like it. Something about it made my skin crawl.

I tried to banish the thoughts as I packed the boxes. I needed to withdraw myself. I let myself too far out and now I needed to reel myself back in. Last night had been a mistake. I should never have gone to Reid's room. I made a vow to myself not to let anything else happen.

Prentiss came out of the hallway where Morgan had gone. She spotted me.

"He crossed state lines… possibly even borders to Mexico and Canada…" she said.

"There's no timeline… we don't know where he was when he abducted people… Garcia can't match victims without it. We need him to tell us where he was and when he was there. Even one city and we could get a match and find a few more," I told her.

Without any other information, we would have to search the entire country's missing persons lists…. and have no leads as to whether those people were actually victims of Ray Stover.

Prentiss nodded. "Rossi is in with him now, I'll tell him."

I nodded my thanks. I didn't want to go back there.

Seconds after Prentiss returned to the interrogation room, Reid emerged. I immediately stiffened, holding my breath. I looked down at my box of papers, quickly fumbling through them.

Reid strolled towards me, hands in his pockets, looking very serious.

"Do you have Ray Stover's credit card and phone records?" he asked me without meeting my eyes. His tone was cold.

"Um, yeah, I have it here," I said, digging out the file.

He took it from me without saying thank you. He turned and went to the map posted on the wall. He took pins out that we'd placed previously.

Reid scanned through the lists, inserting new pins quickly all over the country. I counted three seconds before he turned to the next page. I loved how fast he read. My eyes drank him in. I looked at every crisp fold in his white shirt, the sleeves rolled up, his tie tied firmly, his sweater vest snug…

STOP IT! I told myself. A thought entered my head that I may love Reid's mind more than him.

I was taken aback by my own thoughts.

Reid turned around quickly, catching me off guard. He handed me back the lists of credit card statements and phone records.

"Call Garcia and tell her to search missing persons records in these cities in the past five years," he said loudly, holding the papers out to me.

I nodded, feeling uncomfortable by him standing in front of me.

"There's your timeline," he said roughly. I felt insulted. I'd told Prentiss there was no timeline… Reid just proved me wrong and showed me.

I lowered my head in embarrassment. Why hadn't I thought of that?

Reid looked at me like he was annoyed. I tried to gather back my composure.

I nodded, tucking my hair behind my ear. "I'll call Garcia."

"Good," he returned.

He left me standing there as he went back to the interrogation room. I felt incompetent.

I wrote all the cities down in an email and then called Garcia.

"Office of the supreme goddess of the universe," she answered.

"Hey," I said, trying not to sound defeated, "I've sent you an email with the cities Ray Stover was in. Can you search them for missing persons listings in the past 5 years?"

"You got it, sweetcheecks. I'll look for them. Hey, are you okay? You sound funky," she asked carefully.

I shook my head even knowing she couldn't see me. "I'm fine. Let me know when you have some names."

"Chin up, sweetie. I'll see what I can dig up and I'll let you know. There's a lot of cities on this list so it may be a while… don't wait up for me," she warned playfully.

I barely smiled. "Thanks, Garcia."

She hung up first and then I, looking down at my phone feeling stupid.

Reid came back out of the interrogation room. I stood up straight as soon as I saw him, determined to prove myself after my mistake.

"Well?" he asked, his eyebrows up and his hands in his pockets.

"I just called Garcia and gave her the information. She'll look for missing persons but it could be a while," I said, trying to sound confident.

He nodded. "Understandably so."

I waited for him to say more but he didn't. I looked up and met his eyes. He stood looking down on me, his posture rigid. His eyes said he wanted to talk to me but his body language said he different.

I knew he didn't like me acting like this. I suppose I could understand… I acted one way last night and now it seems as if I'm running for the hills…

"We'll talk when we get home?" I offered.

Reid shrugged. "You say home like it should be reassuring. It depends on what you mean by home… If you mean the place where we're from, neither of us are from DC. That's not home. If you mean a home where family is, it's not DC either. If you mean that home is the place where our belongings are and where we work, then yes. That is our home. But not together. Our homes are separate, unless you mean the city in which our homes are, then you should have said DC rather than 'home.' But we can talk if you'd like."

I blinked. "That's what I meant…"

Reid nodded. "Then we will do that."

I stood awkwardly, wondering who would speak next.

Reid stared at me, studying me. I felt vulnerable but I wanted him to tell me what he was thinking… I wanted his clinical diagnosis.

He let out a long breath. "We'll be leaving here shortly. We've done enough here."

I nodded. I really didn't want to press the issue. I didn't want to be here anymore. I just wanted to go home, whatever definition that was.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I looked away from Reid and glanced down at my phone as I took it out.

I frowned as I looked at the screen.

"What is it?" Reid asked carefully.

"It's Alex…" I explained, still confused.

Reid nodded for me to answer it.

"Excuse me," I said slowly, still frowning at my phone. I turned to go outside as I put the phone up to my ear.

"Hello?" I asked as I went through the police station's front doors.

"Lauren, you haven't called lately," Alex barked.

I sighed. I glanced back at the police station behind me. Reid had followed me out and was standing behind me patiently. I shot him a glare that this was private and I left to get privacy. Reid looked like he didn't mind. I tried to pretend he wasn't there.

"I know…" I said regretfully, "I'm sorry."

"You missed Nathan's soccer game," Alex said slowly.

I sighed again. "I know… I tried to get home but I couldn't… but that's no excuse for a phone call…"

Alex sighed. "I know… he misses you. This move has been hard on him."

I kicked the concrete below my feet. "It's been hard on me, too… I miss him. I miss you guys."

"We miss you… You really need to call more… if not for me, for him," Alex lectured.

I nodded, rubbing my temples. "I know… is he there?"

"Yeah, hold on…. Nathan, c'mere!" Alex called. I imagined the bouncing five year old dropping his dinosaurs and running to the phone.

"Hi, Lauren!" Nathan giggled, "I miss you!"

I grinned. "I miss you, too, buddy, what're you up to?"

He must have shrugged. "Nothing. I got a jeep for my birthday!"

"What! No way!" I teased, "Tell Dad to send me pictures!"

"I will!" he reassured me, "Where are you now?"

"I'm in Oklahoma but I'll be back in Virginia soon. Tell your dad that you should come visit soon!"

Nathan squealed. "Can we daddy?"

I heard Alex try to calm him down. "Well, if you can't come here, I'll have to come home and see you soon!" I let him know.

"Please? I want you to come home, Lauren!" Nathan begged. The sound broke my heart. I missed him terribly.

"I know, buddy, I'll be home to visit soon, okay? Put your dad on the phone," I requested.

I didn't look at Reid.

"Hey, you asked for it," Alex teased. He knew this hit me hard.

"That was brutal but point taken; I'll call more," I promised.

"I hope so," Alex sighed, "And please actually come home and visit, not just say that…"

"I know… I promise," I said, hoping that I wouldn't be a liar.

"Alright, well I'll let you go. I love you, Lauren," Alex told me softly. He sounded so sad.

"I love you, too. I'll talk to you later," I said, "I promise."

I hung up and looked at my phone for a second. I couldn't remember the last time I'd called Alex and Nathan. It made me so sad it hurt. I turned back to Reid.

He looked confused and hurt.

"Who was that?" he asked gently.

I looked down at my phone. "A friend."

"It didn't sound like a friend…" Reid said quietly, "Lauren, do you have a child?"

I smiled softly. "Kind of… It's a long story."

Reid looked back at the station. "I've got time…"

I shifted my weight uncomfortably. I sighed, sitting down on the bench behind me. Reid joined me. I hated talking about this… it threatened to tear me apart every time.

"My best friend Christine was married to Alex. When Nathan was a year old, she was killed in a car accident on her way home from work. Alex misses her every day… it's been four years but he still grieves losing her. When I was in Missouri, I spent every weekend with Alex and Nathan. Part of it was to help him but I needed them and they needed me. Alex needed someone to help him with Nathan but more than anything, he needed someone who reminded him of Christine… one night he had a beer too many after Nathan went to sleep and he begged me never to leave them… that I reminded him of Christine and he wanted me to tell Nathan about his mom, to show him what she was like. I know Christine would have wanted me to help them… to make sure Alex was okay and that Nathan had someone who loved his mom as much as his dad did. I love Alex and Nathan. I hated to move away from them… but I'm not Christine. I can't replace her… I needed Alex and Nathan as much as they needed me… I had a difficult time coping with losing her, too… "

I looked at Reid and he remained quiet. He reached over and tucked my hair behind my ear.

"So yes… I kind of have a kid. His name's Nathan and he's five," I said as I found a picture on my phone to show Reid, "He looks so much like Christine. I miss her so much."

Reid looked at me like I would break down any second. I shook my head violently and stood up.

"Okay," I laughed, shaking myself out, "You can go back to being mad at me."

Reid smiled, standing up. "I wasn't mad at you."

"You can be," I pushed, "I don't mind it."

Reid leaned forward and kissed me gently.

"We'll talk about it at home," he reminded me.

I let out a heavy breath that I hadn't known I'd been holding in.

Reid touched my hair. I felt numb. I hadn't talked about Christine's death for a long time.

I stepped away, trying to regain control over my emotions. I almost never got choked up, but talking about losing Christine did that to me.

Prentiss came out of the station looking uncomfortable. She saw us and approached us, shivering.

"Okay, I'm officially ready to get out of here. I'm totally creeped out," she said, looking like she was.

I nodded. "Me, too. I want to get out of here."

"We're leaving in a few minutes," Prentiss informed us, "Hotchner's just finishing up the paperwork."

Reid nodded, checking his watch. "We should be back in time for dinner."

Reid gave me a reassuring smile that warmed me. I wanted to fall into him and rest my head on his chest. Thirty minutes ago, I didn't want to be anywhere near him and I dreaded talking to him…. and now I wanted him to pull me into him and wrap his arms around me.

The look Reid gave me told me he understood. He was a profiler, of course he did. I smiled back, knowing I could at least explain myself to him later on tonight. I wanted to take his hand, kiss him on the cheek, and thank him for getting me. I may be a monster at times, but at least he didn't make me feel like it.


	11. Chapter 11

I fell asleep on the jet home. The team was still talking about Ray Stover when I drifted off. I dreamt about Missouri and about Alex. We had been at Nathan's soccer game and when he scored a goal, he came running towards us. Just as he was reaching for me, I woke up.

I woke with a jolt and thankfully no one noticed. I shook my head to get the images out and hoped I'd really make it home soon. I needed to plan it and I'd better do it soon if I wanted to get home this year.

The team scattered in the office to various desks to get paperwork done. Hotchner retreated to his office and Morgan went to see Garcia as he did each time we got back. I went to my office and saw a nice stack of files waiting for me. I sighed. I wished I'd been here to do them. I decided I didn't want to go back to Oklahoma again.

I sat down in my chair, relishing the feel of it once again. I leaned back. It felt good to be in my office again. I kept the lights off almost all the time, with a small lamp on my desk. I liked being in the cool dark. High fluorescent lights drove me crazy and made me feel like I'd drank too many cups of coffee.

JJ appeared at my door quietly, her long blonde hair swinging.

"Hey, I'm so sorry you had to go again," she started, looking honestly regretful.

I shook my head. "Things come up, it's okay, really."

She gave me a small smile. "I know that isn't really your job but I honestly appreciate you taking care of everything for me. I'm so sorry you had to go out there, though."

I shrugged. This case had been worse than the others.

"I'd promise that it'd never happen again but who knows… I don't want to make a promise I can't keep, but I'm going to try to keep you out of the field. I know you don't exactly love it," she said quietly.

I nodded. "It's not my favorite thing, but it's not the worst. If something comes up, I'll go again. No big deal."

JJ smiled gratefully. "Thank you so much."

I returned her smile as she left. I really hated going into the field, but I'd go to help JJ. If I'd been at home, I would have been grateful to have someone take care of my job so I could stay home with Nathan.

I organized a few files on my desk and glanced at my watch. It was already 7:30. I stretched my back. I couldn't wait to get a hot shower.

Feeling like I'd just gotten here, but still happy to go, I gathered my things. My feet were sore. I promised myself that I'd call Alex and Nathan first thing in the morning.

As I approached the elevator, Reid turned the corner with his messenger bag across his chest. Normally I'd think man bags were atrocious and awkward but Reid wore his proudly, as if it was as normal as his sweater vests. Somehow, it worked for him.

He smiled softly as he came to me. I looked at the elevator number to see if it was getting close.

Reid stood next to me, his hands in his pockets.

"I'd ask 'your place or mine' but I already know the answer," he grinned playfully, "We always go to your place."

I scoffed smiling. "You say always like it's a usual thing."

"Here's to hoping," Reid winked as the elevator doors opened.

I rolled my eyes as he confidently took his place in the elevator. I reluctantly took mine beside him. He pressed the button and we descended.

"So," he started awkwardly and loudly, turning towards me, "What should I get us for dinner?"

I gawked. "That's quite presumptuous of you, Dr. Reid."

He shrugged. "Well, it's 7:30, we haven't eaten dinner yet, we're going to your place to talk, and thus dinner is necessary. In addition, I have a hunch that you would prefer not to cook this evening just after getting home."

I pursed my lips. He was right.

"So what shall I get for us?" he pressed, unusually cheerful, "Chinese? Italian? Burgers?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, Reid. I don't care."

He sighed. I was being difficult.

"Chinese, I guess," I said, satisfying him. He beamed.

"I'll go get provisions if you'd like to go home and shower," he offered.

I gave him a look as I wondered if he suggested that because I smelled or because a shower would be really nice right now.

"No, that wasn't an insult," Reid said, reading my mind, "I can tell you're stressed. You have tension between your eyebrows, you're standing uncomfortably straight, and your neck is rigid. A nice, hot shower would ease that. I'm offering to give you that time before dinner."

I nodded. "Thank you."

"I would kiss you but my theory is that you wouldn't like that," Reid said carefully with a smile on his lips.

"You're right. You'll have to tell me about that theory later," I said with a small smile and kissing him on the cheek anyways.

* * *

I needed the hot shower desperately. I'd pinned my hair up but it had gotten damp in the steam. I liked my shower scalding hot; the hotter the better. I could have stayed in there all night but I knew Reid was coming back.

In the shower, I tried to think about what I'd say to him… why I've been acting so strange. He probably already knew, but I'm sure he still wanted to hear it from me.

Drying off, I shook out my hair. It was frizzy and unruly. I rubbed a dab of conditioner into it to smooth it.

Standing in front of my closet, I debated between putting on jeans or pajamas. Annoyed, I grabbed a pair of black yoga pants that had never seen a day of yoga in their life and my Pittsburgh Penguins shirt.

Just as I was pulling the shirt over my head, I heard Reid knock at my door. I opened it to find him holding two large brown paper bags and a smile on his face.

"How was your shower?" he asked with the tone of an adoring husband coming to bring his wife dinner.

It was a little too much.

"It was fine, thank you," I responded evenly. He didn't notice.

Reid made himself at home in the living room, unloading the bags and setting take out boxes all over my coffee table. Plastic forks joined.

Reid looked up at me, waiting.

I took my seat next to him on the couch, folding my legs under me.

"I got you beef and broccoli," Reid explained, handing me the box with the fork.

I took it, laughing internally at how weird this seemed.

"This is the only food I'll actually eat out of a box with plastic utensils. You ruin the sanctity of Chinese food if you remove it from the container and use metal utensils," he told me.

I nodded. It made sense.

I took a bite of my beef and broccoli. It warmed my belly and tasted better than anything I'd had in a long time.

"So," Reid said, taking a bite of his sweet and sour chicken, "What did you want to talk about?"

I frowned. I hadn't been ready yet! I just started eating!

I opened my mouth to start, but Reid stopped me.

"I'm sorry, you're eating. Well, I'll tell you what I have and you can analyze it to verify its accuracy," he said quickly.

"Okay," I said hesitatingly.

Reid swallowed. "The way you're sitting says that you're comfortable with me. Your legs are crossed under you, saying that you're at ease and they're also crossed towards me, which means that you are interested in what I have to say. You were short with me this morning and emotionally withdrew, but then later, you adjusted. This, I have a theory for. Most schools of thought claim that women become attached during sexual interaction. They say that serotonin and dopamine surges cause them to bond and become more interested in the other person. They claim that this does not happen in men, that the surge of testosterone actually causes them with withdraw. Now with you, however, your hormones spiked temporarily but quickly returned to their normal state, perhaps even into negative territory, possibly with an after surge of testosterone."

"You detach and withdraw emotionally. Now this could be due to past experiences of disappointment or trauma, or it could be an example of buyer's remorse. You could be hardwired into withdrawing emotionally in times of high emotion where you don't feel comfortable or you're reminded of a traumatic experience."

Reid stopped and waited for me to respond.

I could have said I wasn't sure what he was talking about and that I didn't know why I acted the way I did, but I did know.

I shrugged. "I just don't like emotions. I don't like losing control on how I feel. It doesn't make sense. I don't understand emotions the way I don't understand addiction. I just don't get how you can't control it."

Reid nodded. "I see. Something must have happened, though… humans are social creatures. Interactions and emotions are part of our psychosis."

I shook my head. "Nothing traumatic happened. It's my defense mechanism. I guess if you really had to pinpoint it, it happened a long time ago. I dated a pathological liar and I fell for it. I was blinded and let my emotions get the best of me. After that, I didn't want to be made a fool again. I didn't want to be so weak that I couldn't control how people treated me or spoke to me. Anything said in a time of high emotion is either a lie or overdramatized. Emotions get in the way. They make you weak. I don't want to be weak. I can't relate to sappy commercials or movie. I just don't understand how people can let themselves be so weak and pathetic."

Reid blinked. "Intimacy makes you feel uncomfortable."

I shook my head. "The words make me feel uncomfortable. Anytime someone says something that is supposed to be romantic, I want to roll my eyes and ignore them. I can't stand it. I don't want to be told anything. I hate that men think they need to spew all that garbage to women. I don't want to hear any of it!"

Reid nodded. "No wonder you withdrew. I had a feeling you would be like that, though. I don't mean it as an insult, but I was aware you wouldn't act like a typical woman."

I sighed. "Definitely not. Maybe that's why I get frustrated… I get treated like a typical woman and get the cheesy lines and garbage and I can't stand it."

Reid shifted his weight. "Do you regret what happened?"

I shook my head, setting down my take out box. "No, I just don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk about what happened, what it means, what will happen next, none of it."

Reid nodded. "I see."

"And no more of this loving crap, okay? Just don't say it," I added.

Reid frowned. "No more?"

I nodded. "None. I'll back out again."

Reid nodded slowly. "I'll try."

I settled back against the couch. "I bet you think I'm a psychopathic monster."

Reid shook his head, laughing. "Of course not. You have your reasons. Just don't shut me out again."

"I like you, Dr. Reid. I gravitated towards you because you were clinical and detached like I was… I liked it. I liked your mind and the way you thought. Your brain is a universe in itself and it amazes me. Your emotions confused me after that," I explained.

Reid nodded. "I understand. I can tone it down, I can't guarantee I can stop completely. but I want to make you happy, whatever that means."

I smiled. "Thank you."

I got up to put the rest of the food away. "Will you help me carry these to the kitchen?"

Reid grinned. "Yes, ma'am."

I rolled my eyes. Getting ma'am'ed made me feel old but I'd pressed too many issues tonight. I'd let this one slide.

I loaded the food into the fridge and closed the door as I turned. Reid was standing in front of me, millimeters away. I stared at his chest instead of looking up at his face. I remembered standing like this weeks ago.

He was breathing heavily and looking down on me. I knew if I looked up, his lips would be on mine. He didn't say anything. He was watching me. I could feel the tension building.

I stared at the creases in his shirt, his crisp collar, and tie under his sweater. I looked down at his watch and it occurred to me that I'd never noticed it before. There was something unbelievable casual about it, which contradicted his wardrobe and entire being. It made me study him more.

Reid was lean but solid. He looked thin but in reality, he was sturdy and strong… especially standing in front of me like this. Something about it intimidated me… and turned me on. I liked that he was standing in front of me like an order and that he wasn't backing down.

Reid must have heard the change in my breath.

He grabbed me by the back of my neck and kissed me hard.

Caught by surprise, my hands braced on his chest to keep my balance. He didn't flinch.

He started pulling me backwards quickly, navigating through my apartment like he had the map in his head. He pulled me fast, leaving me to stumble after him, lips barely touching.

He was still walking backwards when he loosened his tie and pulled off his sweater and shirt. The break of his lips gave me a moment of air before he descended again, this time taking my shirt as conquest.

As it fell to the floor, he was pulling me against him again. I was already stumbling, but the increased demand for me to be closer made me trip, missing a step completely, and colliding with him, skin on skin.

He stopped us in my bedroom before I realized we'd gotten that far. His hands were in my hair, pulling me closer as he tumbled us on my bed.

Reid was above me when he slid his hand under my back and lifted me as he slid me up my bed to the pillows.

There was something so quick and frantic about it that it made me gasp for breath.

He gave me a moment for breath as my back arched to claim it. He slipped between my knees as I did.

My hands found his shoulders and I gripped hard. He groaned approvingly.

As he leaned down to kiss my neck, my body relinquished to his. I'd fallen down the rabbit hole.


End file.
